Friday, June 12, 2015
Wow....
Did I really just share this on face book? Yes I did... holy crap. That took a lot of guts for me to do! Well nothing I can do about it now.... except cross my fingers and hope that wasn't dumb of me 0-0
New Bed! New Washer! New Me!
We are finally sleeping in our big girl bed! She has actually done very well at staying in bed when its night time too. However this could change but I sure hope not! Shes such a sweet baby and I feel lucky about how easy of a child she is. I wouldn't change anything about her.
Finally Got my washer and dryer!!! No more laundry mat for me! If you've ever had to use the laundry mat for more than a month you understand my pain. I mean honestly it is awful and it's even worse in the summer time. Most places don't have air conditioning! Not to mention trying to drag a one year old around with me was exhausting and very overwhelming. Especially once she out grew out of the car seat.
This is going to make my life so much easier. I slept better last night knowing I wouldn't have to drag all my clothes to the laundry mat this weekend.! STRESS FREE!
Weekend plans and Life.
Honestly I am excited to say that I have no weekend plans. I am sure that makes me sound super lame to some people but to others I know your over there all jealous! Its been awhile since I have had zero plans. I plan on staying home working on the outside of my house and watching movies all weekend with my amazing boyfriend and baby girl. I also plan on doing all my laundry and cooking every meal.
I hate cooking. Luckily my boyfriend loves to cook so I don't normally have to do much cooking at all. However I do like to cook a bit, like right now I am at work and at home I have a slow cooker going cooking my chicken for my tacos tonight. :) It is the first time I have made tacos on my own. So I am excited to see the outcome. Yes there will be pictures!
So yesterday I got this idea that I should reach out to my father. If you have read my previous post you probably understand that my dad and I have a shit relationship. I feel like I keep letting him back in and that he is probably gonna hurt me again this time. However everyone in my family thinks it will be okay. So I am giving him one more chance. Yea, I will probably give him more chances but can you blame me? That is my dad and no matter how much of an ass hole he can be I do love him and I do want a relationship with him. However my trust in him is very little at this point and I am not sure how much I am willing to give him.
So June 28th we are doing a dinner. Pray this goes well, for me because I don't want to let him go forever and I am afraid I may have to if he doesn't change at least a little.
I am sure I am not alone when it come to be scared to let someone back in my life so I hope if someone who is reading this and struggles with trusting people are able to at least forgive the person that hurt them. Trust me (okay maybe that was a bad way to start this...;-) ) I know how hard it is to forgive someone for hurting me, I am the type of person that no matter how many times you hurt me I give you all my trust and love hoping they will see how much I truly care about them. What I have realized is trust is very valuable but if you hold it away from everyone in your life because of one person you are not just hurting others but you are in retrospect hurting yourself as well. Learning to trust after being hurt is an extremely hard thing to do but if you hide it away from everyone how will you ever learn who is trust worthy or not?
My dad is a complete ass sometimes and he has hindered me from many things because of the way he treated me. I have never once let that become an excuse for giving up. I can't give up because I know I am worth so much to many many people in my life.
I have struggled with anxiety, depression and learning disabilities growing up. I have never once said this will defeat me, I only say I will defeat this. I am strong enough to get through so much and I have seen how strong I am. I know someday I will cry and cry about nothing but I know what ever it is that I am fighting I will over come in time.
I have always said life is not easy. Honestly I am glad it isn't easy. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for every struggle I have had to over come. So I have learned to forgive my dad because in all reality (even if it is kinda fucked up) I am so much more stronger because of everything he put me through. I can now handle so many different situations that I highly doubt I could have handled had my life been much different.
I truly believe that we are not given any situation that we can't handle and those who struggle the most in life are the strongest people you will ever meet. Cherish who you are and what you life has given you struggle or triumph.
I hate cooking. Luckily my boyfriend loves to cook so I don't normally have to do much cooking at all. However I do like to cook a bit, like right now I am at work and at home I have a slow cooker going cooking my chicken for my tacos tonight. :) It is the first time I have made tacos on my own. So I am excited to see the outcome. Yes there will be pictures!
So yesterday I got this idea that I should reach out to my father. If you have read my previous post you probably understand that my dad and I have a shit relationship. I feel like I keep letting him back in and that he is probably gonna hurt me again this time. However everyone in my family thinks it will be okay. So I am giving him one more chance. Yea, I will probably give him more chances but can you blame me? That is my dad and no matter how much of an ass hole he can be I do love him and I do want a relationship with him. However my trust in him is very little at this point and I am not sure how much I am willing to give him.
So June 28th we are doing a dinner. Pray this goes well, for me because I don't want to let him go forever and I am afraid I may have to if he doesn't change at least a little.
I am sure I am not alone when it come to be scared to let someone back in my life so I hope if someone who is reading this and struggles with trusting people are able to at least forgive the person that hurt them. Trust me (okay maybe that was a bad way to start this...;-) ) I know how hard it is to forgive someone for hurting me, I am the type of person that no matter how many times you hurt me I give you all my trust and love hoping they will see how much I truly care about them. What I have realized is trust is very valuable but if you hold it away from everyone in your life because of one person you are not just hurting others but you are in retrospect hurting yourself as well. Learning to trust after being hurt is an extremely hard thing to do but if you hide it away from everyone how will you ever learn who is trust worthy or not?
My dad is a complete ass sometimes and he has hindered me from many things because of the way he treated me. I have never once let that become an excuse for giving up. I can't give up because I know I am worth so much to many many people in my life.
I have struggled with anxiety, depression and learning disabilities growing up. I have never once said this will defeat me, I only say I will defeat this. I am strong enough to get through so much and I have seen how strong I am. I know someday I will cry and cry about nothing but I know what ever it is that I am fighting I will over come in time.
I have always said life is not easy. Honestly I am glad it isn't easy. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for every struggle I have had to over come. So I have learned to forgive my dad because in all reality (even if it is kinda fucked up) I am so much more stronger because of everything he put me through. I can now handle so many different situations that I highly doubt I could have handled had my life been much different.
I truly believe that we are not given any situation that we can't handle and those who struggle the most in life are the strongest people you will ever meet. Cherish who you are and what you life has given you struggle or triumph.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Keeping Positive: Never Giving up
Have you ever just thought WHAT THE HELL?
Honestly I probably think of say that like a billion times a day. Okay I may be exaggerating just a tiny bit but truly I do say it quiet a bit. I feel like sometimes I am doing everything in my power to make things run smoothly and nice but..... it just doesn't.
This last month and half has just been overly overwhelming. Yet I keep on paddling hopping I get a breath of air soon, even if I don't what other option do I have?
So what has kept me going?
First off my boyfriend has helped a lot the last two months. Normally my mother is the only person I feel I can go to that truly understand me but some how I met someone that gets me without me even having to explain myself. I have cried so much these last few weeks. Possibly because of the new meds I have been taking, one which is for my anxiety either isn't helping at all or making things worse. But I have just felt the need to break down crying and Josh has let me do that and helped me get through those rough moments again.
Secondly... I turn 21 on the 18th of June. Yes the idea that I can go buy alcohol legally with out asking someone to do it for me has kept me going for months now. Wow okay that made me sound like an alcoholic but no I am not just excited to buy a bottle of wine and take a hot bath.
Third and lets be honest most importantly my daughter. I could never give up with her around, I don't even think that's an option. There is so much for us to experience and learn together that every day is a blessing. Even though some days all I can think is "God, please let me just give up once". Millie never lets me give up and someday I will thank her for keeping me going all these years. She is my light and she holds me up when no one else can. Her presence has saved me from the beginning.
I guess I am writing this because we have all wanted to give up some time or another. It isn't easy when it feel like the world is against you. Just keep your head up and think of all the reasons why you should keep trudging along. There is something more that you probably can't see in the moment but once you reach it you will be glad you never once gave up. There is something, there is someone who needs you to keep fighting.
Life is so precious lets not focus on all the reasons why were should give up but more on the reasons why we should continue to live a life that was given to us. There is always a reason to keep going. You just have to find it.
Honestly I probably think of say that like a billion times a day. Okay I may be exaggerating just a tiny bit but truly I do say it quiet a bit. I feel like sometimes I am doing everything in my power to make things run smoothly and nice but..... it just doesn't.
This last month and half has just been overly overwhelming. Yet I keep on paddling hopping I get a breath of air soon, even if I don't what other option do I have?
So what has kept me going?
First off my boyfriend has helped a lot the last two months. Normally my mother is the only person I feel I can go to that truly understand me but some how I met someone that gets me without me even having to explain myself. I have cried so much these last few weeks. Possibly because of the new meds I have been taking, one which is for my anxiety either isn't helping at all or making things worse. But I have just felt the need to break down crying and Josh has let me do that and helped me get through those rough moments again.
Secondly... I turn 21 on the 18th of June. Yes the idea that I can go buy alcohol legally with out asking someone to do it for me has kept me going for months now. Wow okay that made me sound like an alcoholic but no I am not just excited to buy a bottle of wine and take a hot bath.
Third and lets be honest most importantly my daughter. I could never give up with her around, I don't even think that's an option. There is so much for us to experience and learn together that every day is a blessing. Even though some days all I can think is "God, please let me just give up once". Millie never lets me give up and someday I will thank her for keeping me going all these years. She is my light and she holds me up when no one else can. Her presence has saved me from the beginning.
I guess I am writing this because we have all wanted to give up some time or another. It isn't easy when it feel like the world is against you. Just keep your head up and think of all the reasons why you should keep trudging along. There is something more that you probably can't see in the moment but once you reach it you will be glad you never once gave up. There is something, there is someone who needs you to keep fighting.
Life is so precious lets not focus on all the reasons why were should give up but more on the reasons why we should continue to live a life that was given to us. There is always a reason to keep going. You just have to find it.
Ears and Potty Training UPDATE!
Last week I took my daughter to a Ears Nose and Throat specialist because her pediatrician wasn't listening to me when I told them something needs to be done about all her ear infections. This child had six ear infections last year alone... this year we are currently on our third ear infection. I am livid that a doctor could not tell something was wrong. I will be switching doctors as soon as possible to someone who will actually listen to a child's mother.
Anyways the ENT doctor looked at Millie's ears and said they are no longer infected however she has a bunch of fluid behind her ears and that she needs tubes. Well no duh... the doctor did another test to see if her ear drums were moving and guess what they weren't moving. Which basically means that my eighteen month old can't hear much at all. The doctor said something about her ear drums weren't vibrating when she heard sounds.
Luckily this will all be fixed with tubes. Its a short surgery and short recovery too. They said my daughter could go back to school the next day. I think I am just more worried that they will have to put her to sleep and she will wake up with out me. I know this will help her so much though. The doctor said that within a couple of days were should see a difference in how she walks and even talks. I am so excited to see how much improvements there will be.
POTTY TRAINING!
I started to semi potty train Millie. She has gone potty once last week by herself. However since learning about her ears and such we are going to wait till after the surgery to really get started. However look how cute she is with the potty!
When she went in the potty I was so proud. We aren't so far away from no diapers! YAY I will be saving money!!! haha
Anyways the ENT doctor looked at Millie's ears and said they are no longer infected however she has a bunch of fluid behind her ears and that she needs tubes. Well no duh... the doctor did another test to see if her ear drums were moving and guess what they weren't moving. Which basically means that my eighteen month old can't hear much at all. The doctor said something about her ear drums weren't vibrating when she heard sounds.
Luckily this will all be fixed with tubes. Its a short surgery and short recovery too. They said my daughter could go back to school the next day. I think I am just more worried that they will have to put her to sleep and she will wake up with out me. I know this will help her so much though. The doctor said that within a couple of days were should see a difference in how she walks and even talks. I am so excited to see how much improvements there will be.
POTTY TRAINING!
I started to semi potty train Millie. She has gone potty once last week by herself. However since learning about her ears and such we are going to wait till after the surgery to really get started. However look how cute she is with the potty!
When she went in the potty I was so proud. We aren't so far away from no diapers! YAY I will be saving money!!! haha
"You want me to go in that?"
"I guess it is kinda cute!"
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