I'll miss you

Its hard to look across the street and see all the times I didn't go see you,

Its hard to think of every conversation I missed with you,

Its hard to know I could have had so much more time with you,

yet how much I let pass me by.

I think of all the conversations we did have,

the laughter that filled the room.

All the messages I have saved from you of encouragement and your dreams for me.

Now when I write I wonder if it ever made you happy to see me do something I know you loved so much.
I am sorry I didn't share more of my passion with you
because I know you'd have loved it just because it came from me. 

Watching you love my child was getting to watch you love me all over again,
and just a little bit more.
When my daughter thinks of you she knows how much you loved her too.
I hope you know we both loved you.

My childhood is locked behind thick concrete,
blocking out so much of the time we had together.
I know my mind is trying to keep me safe but there is so much I want to remember.
I don't think I'd mind a little pain,
for a lifetime of happy memories with you.

Little piece of the puzzle form,
but the memories that linger in the cage I built in my mind have yet to be set free.
I want to remember you the way I know you were.
Not the way you were in the end.

I was given a voice to use and yet I used it so little,
I was given two feet to walk and yet here I sat just across the street.
Regret fills me right now.

How did I grow up to be this person who was so scared of my own little shadow.
How did I let so much time pass
and the person I love so much just fall from my grasps.

I know there are good times,
I can tell you all about them now.
I just wish I would have talked to you more,
when I had the chance.

I love you from the depths of heart.
You gave me so much of who I am today.
And I'll miss you for as long as I live.