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My Life Changing Moment... What was Yours?

I think we all have those moments in our lives that weirdly begin to shape who we are. Moments that until years down the road we won't even realize how much it really affected us. Well I have one that maybe a few of my friends will remember. It was back in junior high I am guessing my ninth grade year which was a very emotional year for me.

We had a teacher come in, I believe they were an author or a poet. He was teaching us about poetry and we were asked to write a poem which had something to do with nature and ourselves. I wrote mine something about sometimes i felt as small as a butterfly but as fierce as lion. Okay, so I don't remember exactly how the poem went but I remember someone made fun of it. For what ever reason it was they didn't like it and they made it clear. Well I was super sensitive back then and I broke down in tears. I worked so hard on that poem and I thought it was good. It was a time in my life when I didn't feel strong and when I wrote the poem I thought people would see that I was strong.

The author saw me get up set, he came and sat down with me and told me about the poem and how it was good and that I shouldn't feel bad for being sensitive because some of the best writers show their hearts on there sleeves. I was still upset but occasionally through life I remember back to this time and how I was so proud of my work and that one person saw it and assured me that it wasn't bad to have emotions.  It was one of the first times that happen
ed for me, although I was emotional I always thought it was bad and I used to HATE it about myself. Its something I have learned to control but also learned to love about myself.

I can write a story that makes someone cry, I can write a story that makes someone happy. I can write a story that changes someones life for the better. My writing is all because of that one author that made that comment that my emotions were nothing to be ashamed of. It took me years to really see how my emotions made me special, made me who I am.

It makes me sensitive to others feelings, I can read people much easier because I know how to read feelings that others may be going through.

I don't know I feel silly for getting upset now because of the rude comment of a friend because I wish I had the ability to believe in my writing and not let someone else define how I felt about it.

Just a story for you. My moments that secretly helped change  my world.

What is a moment that quietly changed your life? Something small that is almost unnoticeable or something big.

Dear 12 Year Old Me,

Dear Twelve Year Old Me,

My journey growing up has been based upon the fact that I have never seen the scale move down or stay at a steady weight. It has literally consumed my life. Pound after pound after pound and all I can think is how much I wish I could go back and say hey twelve year old me! Quit doubting yourself! I always felt like it was bad that I gain an extra pound at the age of twelve. That is not healthy, I was being told at this age I needed to lose weight, and instead of that happening I freaked out and began emotional eating which is something I will always have to worry about. I am addicted to food. It happens quickly if you don't watch yourself. 

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my child self and tell myself that gaining weight at 12 didn't mean I was fat. It meant I was growing, it meant that I was human. I wish I could go back and look that little girl in the eyes and tell her she is anything but fat. She is beautiful and strong and opinionated and that there is nothing wrong with her. I remember being in fifth grade and feeling like a monster because I wasn't as skinny as the girl next to me. 

I am not saying that at twelve or any age I should have not worried about my weight but the reason I was putting on weight wasn't because no one was coaching me on how to better it was because I thought even one more pound would kill me. At twelve our bodies are still growing we aren't even as tall as we will get it. Had I known this and had I realized that no matter what weight I was at twelve I was going to gain weight by the time I was 18. I do not think I would struggle as badly with this fight to lose weight had I really known my thinking was completely wrong about gaining weight. 

Maybe your reading this and your twelve or what ever age it is, maybe you struggle with this as well because I know I am not the only girl that dealt with this. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter what any one says or wants you to be. It is about what you want to be and what you say. Don't be ashamed of yourself... I beg of you to stand tall and do what I could have never done. Put your foot down and exist in this life and body that god gave you. Because soon those who are telling you that you need to change because you don't fit their idea of perfect will soon be gone and then you will have to design yourself into the person you know you are.  

So start now instead of later. Be who you know you are NOW. 

Someday you won't have to regret it because you started now not later. 

Be healthy but not just physically be healthy mentally and emotionally.