Pictures Worth a Million Words

Sometimes I am just silly. Sometimes it doesn't matter how beautiful anyone tells me I am because sometimes I can't see that. But when I do see it, I see so clear. I am a goofy person but sometimes am afraid to put that out there because of what others may think.

Its something I continue to work on getting passed.
I wanted to share some pictures that I took the other night. It has been a while since I have felt beautiful, it has been awhile since I've smiled and goofed off like I have in these pictures. I want to share these because not all of them are what people would consider beautiful but if you look at them you see a girl. You see a girl who is happy with being who she is.

 I think sometimes society makes us believe that we need to look like america's next top model to feel beautiful but I also think our society is changing and I think that people are starting to realize that they are beautiful no matter what any one says. On Facebook and Instagram and Twitter we tend to only post pictures of us smiling and happy. Our lives aren't all about being happy, there are sad things that happen and we just choose not to show our selves in that moment. We only share the happy pictures where no one can see our weakness.





    I think we all have moments when we want to delete pictures were we don't look "Picture Perfect". Don't get me wrong I have thought that a million times before. I remember when my mom posted a picture of me at my daughters 1st birthday and I made her take it down because I was embarrassed about how I looked.

However I try not to delete those pictures for good because they may not be what everyone else thinks is beautiful and they may not even look beautiful for me but those pictures say a thousand words. So when you just delete it there is no going back to see what you think about it in 10 years. You may be completely surprised by what you learn.

For instance, as a child I was constantly in belief that I was fat. I hated looking at pictures of me and I hated the way I looked and I wanted those pictures to disappear for ever. I am now as an adult very happy they are still available to me. When I look at those pictures now I realize that I was not fat

I was beautiful and a pretty normal kid.  I wasn't perfect but neither were any of the other kids that surrounded me in many of my year book pictures.

In fact now when I see those pictures of me as a child I see pure beauty. I see a child with dreams and hopes and fears. I see a child who was anxious because someone put those thoughts in my head that "I was not beautiful" that "I was fat".

No child should ever have to think those things. I did but now I see so much more than a fat ugly kid. I see Jessica. I see what my mom saw in me and how she said she believed me. I see why she believed in who I was. I get it now at least a little bit closer than I did before.

So sometimes I make mistakes. I date the wrong people. I get hurt. I do things the hard way. I laugh a little to loud. I do things different because its what feels right to me. I do me. So you do you. I think we will all be just fine being who we are and not worrying about anyone else. 

I am not normal but who is "NORMAL" any how. 

So my goal for anyone reading is to remember just a few things. 

1. Never Give up 

2. No matter how big a mistake learn to get up and keep going

3. Don't delete pictures because you think they are bad keep them till you find the beauty within them

4. Happy, Sad, Angry or any other emotion... its not bad to show those emotions. 

5. Never quit being yourself. 

ays be 

So no matter how goofy you are or what faces you make take pride in who you are and how you feel. Dream until your dream comes true... <3

How I Feel About Being Single

It is actually quite simple.... I am happy being single. I feel stronger and I feel like I have a life again. I feel like I get to do more things with my daughter and honestly I feel like I got my daughter back. In a relationship I really seemed to struggle with the fact that I had to share my daughter. It would really get me upset because I felt like I was being told I couldn't do anything alone with her. I constantly felt like we both needed to be there cause I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I love being single because of the zoo! Yes the zoo! I love love love the zoo because its places like the zoo that I get to take my daughter and do anything we want just the two of us. My life might not easy and I may have to push a stroller and hold on to my daughter at the same time but it's a life I will never regret or give up.

I guess in the last several months I got a taste of what it is like to consider someone else's feelings and honestly I do not believe I am ready to deal with that. I really thought I was ready though. I let my hopes of being loved get in the way of what my head was saying. I found myself questioning my every move quite often. I started to see a side of me I didn't know really existed.

Now don't get me wrong being in a relationship is great but I just don't think that I am quiet ready for such a serious relationship as I had.

This relationship wasn't all bad. I really loved him and I thought he loved me. Maybe he does but there is a lot of other things that play into if he does or doesn't. I loved that in the middle of a panic attack I could trust him to be there and make sure I was okay even if I was crying so hard I couldn't breath. There was a lot about him I loved very much and that will never change. However you don't hurt those that you love.

However even though society tells me I need to be in a relationship to be a good mom I have to completely disagree with them. I honestly believe I am a better mom single than in a relationship. so maybe I am not ready for a serious relationship or a relationship at all. I will be someday but for now being just Millie and I is alright with me.

Hope everyone enjoys there Monday! I will have a post up later today about our zoo visit. xoxoxox