I hate cooking. Luckily my boyfriend loves to cook so I don't normally have to do much cooking at all. However I do like to cook a bit, like right now I am at work and at home I have a slow cooker going cooking my chicken for my tacos tonight. :) It is the first time I have made tacos on my own. So I am excited to see the outcome. Yes there will be pictures!
So yesterday I got this idea that I should reach out to my father. If you have read my previous post you probably understand that my dad and I have a shit relationship. I feel like I keep letting him back in and that he is probably gonna hurt me again this time. However everyone in my family thinks it will be okay. So I am giving him one more chance. Yea, I will probably give him more chances but can you blame me? That is my dad and no matter how much of an ass hole he can be I do love him and I do want a relationship with him. However my trust in him is very little at this point and I am not sure how much I am willing to give him.
So June 28th we are doing a dinner. Pray this goes well, for me because I don't want to let him go forever and I am afraid I may have to if he doesn't change at least a little.
I am sure I am not alone when it come to be scared to let someone back in my life so I hope if someone who is reading this and struggles with trusting people are able to at least forgive the person that hurt them. Trust me (okay maybe that was a bad way to start this...;-) ) I know how hard it is to forgive someone for hurting me, I am the type of person that no matter how many times you hurt me I give you all my trust and love hoping they will see how much I truly care about them. What I have realized is trust is very valuable but if you hold it away from everyone in your life because of one person you are not just hurting others but you are in retrospect hurting yourself as well. Learning to trust after being hurt is an extremely hard thing to do but if you hide it away from everyone how will you ever learn who is trust worthy or not?
My dad is a complete ass sometimes and he has hindered me from many things because of the way he treated me. I have never once let that become an excuse for giving up. I can't give up because I know I am worth so much to many many people in my life.
I have struggled with anxiety, depression and learning disabilities growing up. I have never once said this will defeat me, I only say I will defeat this. I am strong enough to get through so much and I have seen how strong I am. I know someday I will cry and cry about nothing but I know what ever it is that I am fighting I will over come in time.
I have always said life is not easy. Honestly I am glad it isn't easy. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for every struggle I have had to over come. So I have learned to forgive my dad because in all reality (even if it is kinda fucked up) I am so much more stronger because of everything he put me through. I can now handle so many different situations that I highly doubt I could have handled had my life been much different.
I truly believe that we are not given any situation that we can't handle and those who struggle the most in life are the strongest people you will ever meet. Cherish who you are and what you life has given you struggle or triumph.
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