Giving Up Wasn't an Option

First I fell in love with your presence Then I fell in love with you. The day my daughter was born I did not fear the future, I was excited and couldn't believe I had such a beautiful baby. Reality hit soon after when I had to go back to work. I had bills and responsibility meant for two people not one. Some nights I cried when Millie cried.Sometimes I screamed, just to let out some of the pain I was feeling. No one told me it would be easy, in fact everyone drilled it into my head that being a mom would be the single most hardest thing I would ever do. It felt like so much work and sometimes even too much work to get through alone. Giving up has never been something I am good at, Giving up means I stop caring about what's important to me. And well... that just isn't an option. Three and a half years later I still struggle and I still some times succumb to the feeling of failure. What has changed is I know I have an amazingly happy child who loves me and what's changed is I am happy to have her love. I don't feel the need to search for it in other places because its enough for me. I love my little red head with all her sass and boogers. She sure does give me a run for my money and sometimes I wonder how and why I do this. I love being a mother to her and I love when she brings me flowers and tells me "It's pretty just like mommy." I love when she makes a wish on a dandelion and wishes for me. I love when she talks about god as if he's sitting right next to her. I love that I have helped shaped her to be so confident and loving already in her life. Some days are harder than others. But most days even if just for a moment I find the time to love on my daughter. I tell her every morning how beautiful she is. She is truly my sunshine through the darkness and I hope she never loses that light.  I am not a perfect mom. I will never be a perfect mom but that's okay because the only mom I have to be is Millie's mom.