Where has the time gone..... Tick Tock Tick Tock

Is it May already? 

Gosh I can't believe it! I feel like 2015 has gone by so fast. I am not sure if this is because I am a mommy and things start flying once you have a kid, or if this year is just really exciting. 

Starting to feel like its because I am a mommy. I am watching this beautiful human grow up and flourish and it seems like each day just goes a little to fast. So obviously if you have read my other posts you know that Millie was not planned. However I keep having this thought on the reasons we want to have kids. I mean other than the obvious reasons such as creating beautiful life and keeping our species alive. 

So my reasons at this point if I was to have more kids or had that option they would be....

1. Because creating something with some one you love is such a beautiful thing. 

2. Life only has so many enjoyments and I feel watching a child grow up is one of the most amazing feelings ever.

3. I want to bring up my own child differently than my parents brought me up. 

Okay so there are plenty of more reasons than this but I did't want to go on for days. 

Now an Explanation: 

1. I feel that when you fall in love with someone you create this amazing bond that can't be broken. I think in life though we look to create new bonds and to move forward. Imagine your with this amazing guy or girl (whatever you choose)  and decide to be together forever. You know this person like the back of your hand and together you two seem stronger together. Life doesn't just stop their you get bored almost with each other and need newness. Maybe bored isn't the right word but I just mean you may get to a point where all the fun excitement of your first found love may wear off a tad. 

So you decide to create life. I personally feel when you are in love and create a child it has got to be one of the best feelings. Knowing that your child comes from love and from your heart. I hope to someday experience this. 

Now before you say anything about my daughter. Let me put it this way. I love that baby with my entire heart. To me that is my baby that I created with my heart and love. She is perfect and their is no difference between her and a child I hope to have with a spouse except that I will have someone else there to support me. 

2. I really have enjoyed being a mother. There has been struggles but each morning I wake up and think wow my life is pretty amazing. Getting to experience my daughter growing up is so much fun. Every First is amazing. Her first steps I straight up cried I was so happy. I know that with each child wonderful times are to come. 

3. I love my mother very much and respect many of the ways she raised me. However I do hope to give my child a bit different of a lifestyle then our family had. I hope to be very open with my daughter about many things that may not be socially acceptable to other parents. Things such as sex. I want my daughter to feel that sex is okay and its a wonderful thing. I want her to know how to protect herself. 

I also want her to have many many experiences that I never got as a child. I was very sheltered, and I hope to never take important moments away from my children. They only get to experience things in childhood once and I won't take that childhood away from them. 

Lastly, I want my daughter to make mistakes. I want her to learn who she is by making her own mistakes. I will warn her but I will still stand by her when she has fallen. I won't hide her away until all the bad in the world is gone. She has to learn who she is and all of that is included. 

Maybe our reasons are extremely different. Maybe they aren't. It doesn't matter though all that matters is that you have good reason. (Which is really whatever you feel like it should be.) 

So what are your reasons? If your reading let me know in the comments. :) 

Things Change: Mamma You CAN do it!

So here is a question for everyone out there.

When you were in high school what did you think you'd be doing?

To answer this I will say that I honestly had no clue what I would be doing by now. I had dreams though, first I wanted to be a chef and go to a prestigious culinary school in New York. Then I learned that I wasn't that good at cooking or baking and decided it was probably out of the question.

Next Dream:
In high school I was very passionate about theater but not like the other kids were. I could not act for the life of me, nor was I going to pretend I was. However I was really good at the technical side of theater and I absolutely loved it.  I felt confident and thought it was what I was going to school for when I graduated high school.

However college ruined that dream for me. In college I had to take a acting class, that is not something I excelled at and quiet frankly the teacher was an ass. He would straight up tell you your performance was shit. He also thought he was the best actor there ever was. So why the heck is he working at a college and not on the big stage... oh that's right cause he's only mediocre, (Sorry for the rant)

Basically decided to drop that class and hope I found a new major soon. Maybe I gave up a little to soon but honestly I was starting to go through so much depression that it felt like the only way.

By the end of my first year of college I found out I was pregnant and my life drastically changed. Two months after finding out I was growing a baby in my belly I moved back home and into my aunts house. She had four kids and a dog and lets just say it was a bit to hectic for me. I was able to work with my parents and began renting from them.

Now I am a single mom about to buy my first house. I own my car and work a decent job as a receptionist and more job opportunity on the way. I can't say my life is perfect because it is for sure along way from perfect. But I am happy, my baby is happy and I am still working to be a successful woman.

Please mamma's if your reading this remember that things do get better. Your gonna have to work a little harder for everything but when you achieve what you've dreamed of it will be worth all the struggles and you will appreciate it much more than you would have if you got it the easy way. Don't let one bad situation make your life terrible, if you want something to work then go after it. Don't let anyone tell you, you can't or your not good enough.

I've been turned down plenty of times because people thought i'd be the typical young mother with no responsibility. I knew I could prove them wrong and I did, YOU CAN TO! Never ever ever ever give up.

Howdy Stranger...

Yeah, I've been gone for way to long.
Been dealing with some dramas in my life that I think I've finally put past me, hopefully for good. And guess what the drama is about? A guy. See I have this awful tendency to fall in love to easily. However I tried to hold myself back, to just let things be how they should be. I thought I could help this guy which is how I am, I just wanted him to be okay but was losing myself in the moment of all his stuff. After him playing volleyball with my heart for over five months I finally decided no more. No more coming back to me when he broke up with someone. No more letting him ruin the life I have made for me and my daughter.

I am not sure if my heart is completely over this guy... but my brain knows the truth and is keeping my heart in check, at least for the moment.

In other guy news. Yes there is a new guy although I find this to be much different from my prior relationship(if you can even call it that). I know I know I know... I've said its different with a lot of these guys but... this IS different.

We actually have a cute story on how we met.

One of my bosses came up to me one day back in January and asked me if I was single. I said well yeah I am. She then continued to show me a picture of this guy. He was attractive but I was nervous and I told her no because I didn't know if that would cross a line. I knew they were really close and I didn't want to ruin my job for myself.  I told her no and that I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and just wasn't ready to start a new one. Which wasn't a lie at all, I was still partly in that relationship and needed to move on before I dated again.

So that seemed to be the end of that.

I have always been on a dating site. POF. I usually start talking to someone and then it just ends. Well about a week or so I was looking around and I saw a familiar picture. It was the guy my boss tried to set me up with. I blushed and completely x'd out of it hoping to avoid that awkward conversation. Not even thirty minutes later he messages me...

I decided to talk to him as I wasn't for sure if it was even him. We talked and chatted and I felt comfortable talking with him. I asked if he knew my boss and of course he did. Then we started to text and I don't know we just clicked.

So this last Sunday we went to dinner together with my daughter. So I know many people won't agree with me bring my daughter but this last week has been rough. She was sick most of the week and I had to have a couple different babysitters so she could stay home and I could still work. I hate leaving her with babysitters that much. So I asked him if he was okay with it and he said he was and that he didn't mind. I choose to do this because I wanted a non pressure date. I wanted to talk almost just as friends first.

To say the least we sat their with menus and talked for at least thirty minutes before ordering. We had so much in common yet we are completely different people. It's pretty cool actually. Millie really liked him and he held her a bit and we went and played at this open field by the restaurant.

Some may wonder if we kissed (or maybe you don't care at all) no we did not. He did not push it either or look awkwardly into my eyes and lean it. lol! We all know that look and its sooo embarrassing sometimes. I just felt my daughter is here and I didn't want to cross that line. Not till I know for sure that he may stick around.

I just think when the time is right, it will happen.

So basically a lot of good things have come into place in the last few weeks.

I am not sure where any of this will go but... where ever it goes or doesn't go is for the best. I know god has  a big plan for me, things that I don't even know I am capable of.

"Stop worrying on what you have to lose and start focusing on what you have to gain"