I am in a creative writing class and had to write about something recently that I really do like and I feel other single mothers can relate with at least in some sense. I don't normally post stuff like this but I figured it was a good change of pace. I wanted to write this more as a paper but the dialog had to be in there as well for a class.
Having a child is the best thing that’s ever happened to me
I've engrossed my life in everything that comes with being a mother and my
world revolves around her presence So when someone isn't doing their part as a
parent I can’t help but get angry inside and filled with the steam of hate. Ninety percent of the times no one can see the hate
seeping out like boiling water overflowing. Even though I succeed at hiding my anger sometimes, sometimes my emotions get the best of me. This time… This time was one of the
10% I couldn't contain.
“Jason
she’s two you need to be around, she needs a dad” even knowing that it would do
no good I begged. I wanted better for my child, I wanted the very best she
deserved better than what she was getting.
“I try
to see her once a month” he said quietly with no passion without any
understanding of the concept at which we were discussing.
“You
try?” I questioned throwing my hand in the air. I could feel the anger bubbling
out of my pores. I was trying to hold in the anger as well as I could, I had to
be nice I couldn't let my anger get the best of me but today I felt weak.
Silence filled the air through the phone a soft buzzing and deep breathing
was all that I could hear. “Bex, I am trying. I live pretty far away. What
else am I supposed to do?”
My
temperature rose and my face beating red “You know what” I was losing it I
couldn't handle holding in more of this anger inside it has to come out “Just
don’t come down anymore! We don’t need you, and we never did.” I told him
frantically. “It has been four months! Last time was six months and the time before
six months. Do you think that’s okay?”
“I
think that you try to make things harder than it needs to be.” He grunted
without a sign of emotion.
I
gasped; my body began to shake violently. I desperately wanted this to be over,
“I have begged you to be here; I have never ever said no to you visiting. How
am I making this harder?” I said. “Why am I always the one doing all the work
to make something work between you two?”
“I
want to see her everyday if I could but I know that won’t happen and things
have come up recently I have just been busy with life.” He sighed.
“You
know that’s not acceptable and any judge would know that… do the right thing or
don’t come anymore. You’re going to break her heart one day, maybe not today
but someday you’re going to disappoint her and don’t worry I will be here by
her side. Way to go dad.” I hung up the phone.
The fake smiles and cold shoulder is something I have come
accustomed to in my life. Trying to be nice to someone you hate so much but
have no choice but to endure the ever persisting fate that I have made for
myself. Raising a child with someone other than the love of your life seems
almost impossible. The hardest part of it all is deciding whether or not your
screwing up a child’s life or giving it one that she will appreciate and feels
loved is the hardest thing I have ever done. Being afraid if you say something
wrong you could lose the custody and responsibility you have of your child. The
responsibility that only you are capable of handling; your child’s life. Then
you decided to open your mouth and finally say something that could cost you
everything you've ever worked for. This day I risked everything.
