Back to Blogging: Why have I been gone so long?

I haven't blogged in some time but thought I might give it a shot again. Its been almost six years since my last post. WHEW a lot has changed since then. Last time I was 25 & Millie was six. Part of why I stopped posting was because life got intense for a bit. Mainly dealing with school for Millie, Millie was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 which truly knocked me on my booty for a bit. I was constantly fighting with her elementary school. Learning how to advocate not only my daughter but for myself. It was such a frustrating time. I was also suspecting that she was autistic, but it took us moving to a new home and a new school for us to get that diagnosis. In Kindergarten Millie was sent home over 10 times the entire school year. The school had started giving her breaks during the day to help her regulate a bit better. Unfortunately, at the time we didn't have an IEP or a 504 this was just something the school provided. One day they called me to pick Millie up. I went in they told me that she wasn't listening or following directions and needed to leave for the day. I had always thought kids got sent home for destroying classrooms or hurting their teacher or friends or for major disruptions; I figured they had other options for kids who “Don’t listen or won’t follow directions” Heck I had the same issues as a kid and I was never sent home. So, I walked outside with my six-year-old and then I asked "Millie what happened today?" She told me that they told her at the beginning of the day that she would not receive her breaks. I thought that was interesting piece of information that they omitted from the story I got it. So, I walked back in and asked to talk to this principal. I told him that if they were going to provide breaks and if they were working why would they take that away? He told me it was staffing issues. To be honest at the time I could understand that but over the years once she had an IEP they always made sure they had an option for her to have her breaks. The principal continued to tell me that Millie just needed to grow up. She was in first grade, my only thought as a reply to that was no duh! That’s why she's at school right? I worked hard with this first school to make things work, we eventually got a 504 but that was never followed exactly. Eventually I got fed up with that school and how they treated my daughter. They didn't like me because I refused to give in and truly I was never going to. I moved in September 2023 to a new neighborhood. Same school district but a new school and a smaller one at that. Her first weeks there she was so mad at me. She was mad that I took her from a school she knew and her friends, but I knew this was the best option for her. Eventually this school had similar issues as the first one but this time when I met with them I requested the IEP evaluation which they told me the same thing the last school did, "It will probably be denied because shes a smart kid Jessica." I never thought she was a dumb kid but adhd or autism didn't mean she was dumb. It meant she learned differently. It meant that she coped with things a little differently. When they told me this time I told them, "If you choose to deny this request please know I will be submitting a complaint with the board of education & the States education department. 20 minutes later I received a call that the evaluation was approved. Over the next few weeks the schools social worker and psychologist followed Millie closely, interviewed her teachers and at the end of it they sat down and said "Millie needs an IEP" The way I wanted to scream in excitement. FOUR YEARS I FOUGHT for this. They also diagnosed her with austim at that time. I had not done a ton of research on autism and confirming this made me a little sad at first. I felt like I had failed her somehow that something I did caused this. Over time I realized that was not the case and now my job was to teach her how to cope with this new diagnosis and help her be successful in life. Since Kindergarten and the ADHD diagnosis I had always parented with the idea that ADHD or any diagnosis was not an excuse. That instead of making it her excuse that sometimes it might be harder but we have to find a new way to do the hard thing. 4th and 5th grade were good years for Millie in school, she finally was getting the help she needed and was succeeding. In 5th grade she made strides and completed all of her 5th grade IEP goals. Millie is now in sixth grade at new school, we have an IEP still as 6th grade is a big transition and I wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. I didn't fight all that time just to give up the IEP. Sixth grade has been pretty good; she has not been sent home for behaviors one time. I think that having the freedom to walk to her different classes has helped her the most. She comes home tired which is way better than getting in trouble. We are still learning as we go here but I am proud of my daughter and how far she has come. I am also proud of myself for never giving up. If you are also going through similar problems with school, know you are not alone. Know that even when the world calls you crazy for fighting for your kids that you know what they need more than anyone else in the world. You've got this! Couple of tips: 1. Don't back down! Email Email Email and document everything! - Ask for your child’s school records especially if they are being sent home often - I kept a binder of everything I did with the school or her doctors that related to school. It came in handy over the years and honestly still does. 2. Research- I was constantly looking up adhd and IEP and reading the laws having to do with education 3. Get yourself a village! This was probably the most important thing for me. Thankfully I had a pretty awesome family that listened to me vent for hours about all my frustration. But it doesn't have to be family; I also joined Facebook groups talked to other parents, teachers and anyone that could give me any support to keep myself focused on the goal. 4.ASK FOR THE IEP! I was told so many times that she would not qualify because she was doing well in her academics... honey if she was doing well, they wouldn't be sending her home. The IEP is not just for learning disabilities; it also applies for behavior issues as well. When I first asked for the IEP that defeated me and I quit asking for a bit... until you get that evaluation done... you keep asking and make sure you email your request. Everything needs to be in writing. 5. ADVOCATE ADVOCATE...if they don't want to hear it... keep saying it. Your going to feel crazy at times like you’re a broken record but it's important to keep pushing. 6. Love on your kiddo. Tell them they are amazing every day even on bad days. With the first school Millie really thought she was "just a bad kid." You don't know how many times I heard my sweet girl say that. It broke my heart. So, I loved her more, reminded her often that she was a good kid who was a fighter. 7. People think I am crazy for this one but "eliminate food dyes" from you child’s diet. I am not the absolute best at this and we still run into the dyes but it makes a difference in behaviors. 8. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! Get a babysitter once a month and do something for yourself. Let yourself breathe. Go to a movie by yourself, go sit at a park and just breath. You’re doing a good job and it's important to take a moment to breathe and enjoy the little moments. I wish you all the very best! Momma’s & Daddy’s Keep fighting!!! Your kids are so lucky to have you 😊