Dear 12 Year Old Me,

Dear Twelve Year Old Me,

My journey growing up has been based upon the fact that I have never seen the scale move down or stay at a steady weight. It has literally consumed my life. Pound after pound after pound and all I can think is how much I wish I could go back and say hey twelve year old me! Quit doubting yourself! I always felt like it was bad that I gain an extra pound at the age of twelve. That is not healthy, I was being told at this age I needed to lose weight, and instead of that happening I freaked out and began emotional eating which is something I will always have to worry about. I am addicted to food. It happens quickly if you don't watch yourself. 

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my child self and tell myself that gaining weight at 12 didn't mean I was fat. It meant I was growing, it meant that I was human. I wish I could go back and look that little girl in the eyes and tell her she is anything but fat. She is beautiful and strong and opinionated and that there is nothing wrong with her. I remember being in fifth grade and feeling like a monster because I wasn't as skinny as the girl next to me. 

I am not saying that at twelve or any age I should have not worried about my weight but the reason I was putting on weight wasn't because no one was coaching me on how to better it was because I thought even one more pound would kill me. At twelve our bodies are still growing we aren't even as tall as we will get it. Had I known this and had I realized that no matter what weight I was at twelve I was going to gain weight by the time I was 18. I do not think I would struggle as badly with this fight to lose weight had I really known my thinking was completely wrong about gaining weight. 

Maybe your reading this and your twelve or what ever age it is, maybe you struggle with this as well because I know I am not the only girl that dealt with this. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter what any one says or wants you to be. It is about what you want to be and what you say. Don't be ashamed of yourself... I beg of you to stand tall and do what I could have never done. Put your foot down and exist in this life and body that god gave you. Because soon those who are telling you that you need to change because you don't fit their idea of perfect will soon be gone and then you will have to design yourself into the person you know you are.  

So start now instead of later. Be who you know you are NOW. 

Someday you won't have to regret it because you started now not later. 

Be healthy but not just physically be healthy mentally and emotionally.